What is this 40+
crisis that I am talking about?
As a motivational
Speaker, it came quiet as a surprise to me when big reputed leaders of the
corporate world walked up again and again to me with one crisis – “I have hit
the end of the road. I am tired. I want to quit everything. But I do not know
what to do.”
With EMIs to pay, car
loans to deal with, house and a lifestyle to maintain and mouths to feed, an
escape route becomes bleak. The realization of it, further mounts the ‘crisis’
pressure.
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It was surprising for
me because we are under the impression that this lot of people had it all –
success, money, position, respect, and an envious lifestyle. When you confront
them, they are super-confident, highly intelligent, witty and interesting
people. They know their liqueur and can differentiate their dessert spoon from
the caviar spoon in a hoity-doity dinner party. Such people, when they say “I
do not know what to do,” feels like a complete knock-out. I thought I had to
know more.
I started reading a
lot of books about this. Turned out that the psychological angle to the so
called mid-life crisis seeps into their professional life as well.
I spoke to a lot of
people, collected data, studied their background, pinned up charts and sketched
colourful graphs to see what causes this and how it can be helped. It took me
some time, but here is what I found –
Mid-life crisis,
especially in your professional life is highly common. We do not get to know
about it because people going through this either does not recognise it for
what it is, or shy away from discussing it for obvious reason.
Signs of mid-life crisis.
1. Doubt their own decision
making ability –
All of a sudden they are unsure of themselves. They keep double checking their
decisions at work. “What if I lose my job, be exposed, made a fool of,” plays
large in his mind. Life suddenly stops making sense and life-race feels pretty
useless.
2. Constantly unhappy – There is a constant
restlessness in them. They neither enjoy their work nor their family. Family,
work, career, everything seems to be a wrong decision and there seems to be no
escape. They are constantly unhappy and in a complaining mode. They find faults
with too many things around and searches for that ideal set-up.
3. Lacks energy – One of the sure sign is
loss of interest in the things that they usually enjoyed doing before. Like –
if a person liked to rock-n-roll on weekends, now would much rather spent time
at home lazing around. Or if he was a person who liked to chill it out in front
of the TV, now indulges in some crazy spree, like maybe get his hair streaked
or join the salsa. He feels the pressure to do different and quickly so to make
his life count.
4. In the verge of giving
up everything – Most corporate leaders feels the need to give up on their luxury
quotient in order to make life meaningful. They suddenly find themselves
questioning the need for branded clothes, the big car or the 18,00sq ft.
apartment. They feel that they need to learn to live a simpler life and find
peace.
5. The urge to give back to
the society --
It’s quiet a strange observation that people going through this mid-life crisis
suddenly develop this urge to do social service. While this in itself is not
bad, it might not be his true calling and after a month or so they fall back
into the same vacuum. They are searching for something or escaping from
something and giving up everything for the betterment of mankind just seems to
be the right answer.
While I found more or
less this same pattern of psychology when I spoke to these people, I discovered
that they are not alone. And the pattern suggests something – that it is more
than just boredom. It’s a phase where the mind and the body is going through a
change. A change, which is lesser known or acknowledged by people, but
never-the-less exists. Getting up and going to work and doing the things that
you have done for the last 20 years suddenly becomes difficult.
How do we deal with it?
Awareness. That’s the very first step – to be aware that whatever is
happening to your body and mind, you are not alone in it. This transformation
is a natural process. The person who has knowledge about this will flow with
it. Trying to fight nature by denying it will only enhance the crisis.
Secondly, by
approaching it with the Correct Attitude. The correct attitude here
will be to take a deep breath and see what will be the right thing to do about
it. Since it is a psychological as well as a physical phenomenon, it might be a
good idea to indulge in some yoga, meditation and a fresh morning walk along
with pursuing your old forgotten hobby or picking up a new one. These changes,
put together, will have a profound effect on your mental health and sooth your
nerves.
Seek help. Since this is an established problem, there are well researched and
scientific approach to deal with it. There are trained professionals available.
Me being one of them. No matter how much you think you will be able to deal
with it, a trained professional will always be able to help you more
effectively.
Trust your partner
and seek cooperation. Remember, your partner knows you
best. So it will be a good idea to begin by being completely honest with her.
The change in your behaviour might throw your partner off guard and instigate
conflict. A conflicting ambience will only worsen the situation. Your partner
must be weaned into the new-you.
It is important to
realize that at this age a NEW-YOU will emerge. If you approach it
with a positive attitude, the new-you can be more evolved, matured and a better
version of the present-you.
So what does all this
positive attitude, acceptance and acknowledgement does? It shows light. People
going through this 40+ scenario will know what I mean when I say ‘light’
because they feel the darkness envelop them in such a way that their tunnel
seems to have no end.
It does.
There is always an
end. There is always light. We just need to sit up and act. One baby step after
another and life will be beautiful once again.
My advice? Open your
arms and usher in the change. It’s once in a life time phenomenon. Enjoy it and
see the difference!
Wish you a happy time
ahead.
Lots of Love,
BSR
